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The problem with Christianity and dating
I've become a bit burdened of late for the large no of single girls in our church. Where are the Christian men for them?
of course its more important that they are saved than married but i cant help but feel for them.
after a no of yrs of being single its no wonder many of them marry non christians.
of course we are praying for them (and they are praying for themselves).
shouldwe be teaching them that singleness is more common these days due to a lack of christian males (generalisation) and supporting them in that way?
is christian speed dating the answer?!!
i'll stop rambling now and let someone else pitch in!
God bless,
Gav.
of course its more important that they are saved than married but i cant help but feel for them.
after a no of yrs of being single its no wonder many of them marry non christians.
of course we are praying for them (and they are praying for themselves).
shouldwe be teaching them that singleness is more common these days due to a lack of christian males (generalisation) and supporting them in that way?
is christian speed dating the answer?!!
i'll stop rambling now and let someone else pitch in!
God bless,
Gav.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kieran Metcalfe on -
Hi Gav
Sounds like an interesting topic, which I do feel highly unqualified to pitch in on.... I think your point about the lack of Christian men is a key thing, and has some wide ranging roots and implications.
However, your post reminded me of this irreverant, but chucklesome entry on Stuff Christians Like, so I thought I'd share it :) http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/06/550-surviving-chur...
Will be interested to read people's thoughts on this...
K
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Permalink Reply by Wulf Forrester-Barker on -
I think there plenty of single Christian guys too (not me - I've been happily married for almost 15 years).
Perhaps setting up some local projects together where the churches can work together would be one way forward - involvement in mission often leads to involvement in close relationships. Relatives of mine used to work with an organisation called CSSM; I can't remember what it really stood for but I remember that it was informally talked about as "Come single, soon married"!
My own marriage grew out of a time when my wife and I were both single, unemployed and using some of that time to serve in our local church. We got jobs but continued in our commitment to serve, found ourselves continuing to serve together in various roles... and the rest is history!
Wulf
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Permalink Reply by Chloé Leak on -
Ah a topic that has come up again and again for me! (not me personally, but for others in my church). This is certainly a toughie! I don't think thats theres a lack on christian males... Maybe for some churches there will be a small amount of christian men who are single and in other churches a small amount of christian females who are single. It's difficult.
As Wulf said, maybe it's a good idea to set up local projects...
But actually, Single christian women shouldn't be focusing on the problems of being single, but rather benefits and to what God has called them to do in this time. and maybe prehaps to those more sensitive about the subject, it should be brought up and dealt with and handled in a way which benefits them. I know it's easier said than done! But actually, it's becoming more of a focal point in people's lives when it shouldn't, I don't blame them for having such feelings about the topic, seeing young christian couples getting married around your age, seeing movies where love and romance happens so easily! Where lust becomes unbareable, etc etc etc...
Maybe having a single's ministry would help...
I've written a blog about having a beautiful romance with God (for the ladies) about things like this.... Feel free to have a read! :)
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Permalink Reply by Mike Kerslake on -
Hi Chloe
Your church must be unusual. My experience has always been that churches have more women than men. On reading your post I checked stats on the internet and it does seem to be the general pattern. (http://www.whychurch.org.uk/gendergap.php). So I feel there's a basic problem in that the church is unattractive to men. Those that have responsibility in leading worship (sorry, Gav, I mean, corporate activity involving songs etc) need to consider what they can do to assist in restoring a healthy balance.
If your church has a good attendance from men, maybe we can learn from this. Can you consider the demographics of your church in a little more detail? Is your gender split consistent and significant, or merely a statistical fluke? Do you know what things in your church attract (i.e. involve) men? What is your "worship" like?
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Permalink Reply by Patrick Sam-Jolly on -
This is a topic close to my heart actually but there are so many facets to some of the answers and it will be limited if anyone would try to offer the solutions in one statement or a forum like this, even though it is a very meaningful and important issue.
In my humble opinion, i guess it should start from the point where both men and women should realise that we so desperately need to have an indepth knowledge of the psyche or framework and natural characteristics of the opposite sex. and then how God wants us to interact as couples rather than what the celebrity culture and the TV or someone's individual opinioin would have us believe. Even this is just a tip of the iceberg - i could write all night.
The truth is that we need to appraoch relationships leading to marriage with lots and lots of counselling even more so to find out more of these truths and necessary information .
In my summary, love itself is simply a platform on which the building of the relationship is built - but the walls and windows and doors, roof etc are equally important to the building and so without those then the 'home' of a beautifull relationship will not be realised unless we realise that we cannot only depend on the 'love platform' but on every other part.
I do think that there are lots of guys and ladies out there and people could have beautiful relationships, marriage etc but there is no point jumping into a relationship if these things are not thoroughly laid out.
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Permalink Reply by Mike Kerslake on
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Could it be that there are disproportionately few men in the churches partly because the way we do worship is more accessible and inspiring for many women than for many men?
I think so...
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Permalink Reply by Gav on -
hi mike,
have you read 'why men hate going to church' by any chance?!
i partly agree but firstly i think you need to rephrase 'do worship' as thats a very strange way to put it.
"doing worship" is what we do with our lives 24/7, so youre kind of suggesting that they way we live is putting off men (which may actually be true!).
as for how we do music and church services (which i guess is what youre really meaning), yes there are aspects that are more feminine, stereotypically slow love songs, holding hands and praying, flower arranging etc. men like competition and are often task orientated, (as mentioned in the book i named).
it depends on your church really and is a really tricky topic. some men hate singing, so does that mean we never sing? no, but of course we shoudl do things to teh best of our ability. men respect quality (another point of the book).
ps lots of the slow love songs were actually written by men tho funnily enough.........
God bless,
Gav.
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Permalink Reply by Alex Ball on -
The funniest thing about this post is that everyone has said- 'But not a problem for me, I've been married for x years' before they post. So:
Yeah, tricky one (but not for me- I've been happily married for almost 5 years :). We've got a fair few people in our church who are single, and who are just totally cool with it. If it's not a problem for them, then why are we poking our nose in? God will bring the right person to them at the right time, or not- He's in charge!
My wife and I (see I got it in there again- it's alright, I'm married) help out on a kids camp each summer. There are loads of people who've coupled up, or brought partners along to it. Most of us were married in our early 20s. One friend of ours was hitting the ripe old age of 26 and he hadn't found his wife! He got quite stressed about it, and even asked out some of the other leaders out of a bit of desperation- despite the fact that the relationships would have been all kinds of laughable.
Then he suddenly met a lady his age totally out of the blue. I can't remember exactly, but I think she moved to the area and joined his church. It was about a year later they married, and a few years on have a lovely son and another baby on the way. They are SO right for each other and it just makes perfect sense.
But then if you'd tried telling that to him just weeks before she arrived, then I think he'd give a really bleak outlook. Not because it was bleak- he was only 26 for crying out loud! But because there is such pressure to get married- and get married fast, and if not, then you're going to be single forever!!! Men- get a plethora of consoles and live off takeaways, woman get a cat and take up knitting!!
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Permalink Reply by Gav on
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hi bro,
thats a cool story of course. i can tell you 5 or 6 off the top of my head women in our church are mid thirtys, forties and even fifties and single tho.
thats a lot harder to take than 26.
of course it doesnt mean God loves them less, but its still pretty discouraging surely?
cheers,
gav.
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Permalink Reply by Wulf Forrester-Barker on
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Yes - if you are older, then it can seem more discouraging. However, my observation is that love and marriage are things that are more easily caught when you don't go looking for them directly. If you spend all your time feeling depressed about the fact you aren't married, what are you going to after your plotting and scheming brings you to that nuptial state and you discover it isn't all bliss? Perhaps wiser not to spend too much time on SELF and develop a character that trusts God whether married or single, learning to live richly in whichever estate you are called to?
Wulf
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Permalink Reply by Gav on
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yes i agree wulf but i think we all seem to be married on this discussion so its easy for us to agree with such things
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Permalink Reply by Daniel Read on -
Alex
I've kind've stayed out of this discussion up until now, because, well, I've been married 14 years so I'm alright (etc)....
Happily married for 7....
(Joke) :-P
But, surely, can't the women get a plethora of consoles and live off takeaways and the men get a cat and take up knitting????
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