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The problem with Christianity and dating
I've become a bit burdened of late for the large no of single girls in our church. Where are the Christian men for them?
of course its more important that they are saved than married but i cant help but feel for them.
after a no of yrs of being single its no wonder many of them marry non christians.
of course we are praying for them (and they are praying for themselves).
shouldwe be teaching them that singleness is more common these days due to a lack of christian males (generalisation) and supporting them in that way?
is christian speed dating the answer?!!
i'll stop rambling now and let someone else pitch in!
God bless,
Gav.
of course its more important that they are saved than married but i cant help but feel for them.
after a no of yrs of being single its no wonder many of them marry non christians.
of course we are praying for them (and they are praying for themselves).
shouldwe be teaching them that singleness is more common these days due to a lack of christian males (generalisation) and supporting them in that way?
is christian speed dating the answer?!!
i'll stop rambling now and let someone else pitch in!
God bless,
Gav.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tanya Parker on -
Hi all,
I've come across this discussion today and it has been a really interesting read. It's great to see the perspectives of others and how 'us singles' get along with the sticky issues of dating and relationships. I'm 26 and am (for the vast part) quite happily single - just thought I'd share some of my perspectives.
Firstly - I'd never compromise - I've done it before and although my boyfriend at the time was a Christian he was luke warm (not his name) and the relationship damaged my walk with God because it pulled me in opposing directions. I've decided that I'm a fire carrier and nothing less will do in - Joshua 3 v 5 is a huge encouragement to me - it says: 'Set yourselves aside (sanctify yourselves for a special holy purpose) for tomorrow The Lord will do wonders among you'
My singleness does not restrict the awesome things God wants to do, but how I handle it certainly will - so be encouraged - your singleness is NOT a restriction!
Something else a few have touched on is accountability - I'm a guitarist / cellist and part of an amazing worship team. These guys are my friends and are prayer support and a really great bunch to hang out with - it's good to build solid friendships. I do make sure though that I'm accountable to our worship leader - she is an awesome woman of God and my vulnerability with her allows me to grow in my ministry and my personal life. God is a believer in generations - even though I'm the only Christian in my family, He's given spiritual mothers to keep me growing and strong and teach me to be wise and steer clear of temptations.
And let's face it - singleness can be lonely and we get discouraged sometimes - something God says to me often (and I can just imagine Him patting me on the head while He says it) is 'Do you trust that I'll put you in the right place at the right time?' It puts things in perspective for me and in a way releases me into chase after all that God has for me....
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Permalink Reply by Julian W on -
Hey Grant,
You're right, of course, we don't go to church just to find someone. BUT meeting/finding someone and getting married is a fairly normal thing. It's just hard to do in a small church, coz usually there aren't many available people the right age, etc. OK, God COULD make you meet the right person anyway, but I wonder if we sometimes put Him to the test like that, by making it difficult to for oneself to meet someone and thus 'forcing' God to engineer it anyway - or perhaps we stay single for longer. So I reckon it may be a worth visiting some other churches to get to know some more people - and it can broaden your outlook, too, and be an encouragement. When I was dating my wife I went to her church on Sunday evenings for several months, and it was a real blessing. And who knows, if I'd gone there sooner I might have met her before I was 33!
I'm really not convinced that it's intrinsically wrong to look for a husband or wife. Marriage is not a bad thing - it was God's idea! Sure, it could be wrong if we're JUST going to church for that, or if we feel God doesn't want that for us at the moment.
Another thing - you go to church to meet with God? We can meet with God anywhere, it doesn't have to be at church. Could I suggest that we spend time on our own with God to meet with Him, and go to church to meet communally with God? In other words, church is for meeting with God WITH other people. Sure, sometimes God meets with us in a very direct and individual way at church - but I'd like to suggest that church is a communal thing, for the body of Christ, for fellowship and relationships, for worship together. Relating to the other people is an important part of it.
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Permalink Reply by Phil Holburt on -
When I was a young single guy, there were'nt that many single christian girls around and a good proportion of those quite happily went into relationships with non-christian guys because they were 'nice guys' or they were
'witnessing' to them. This was quite discouraging to the likes of myself & others who wouldn't go out with Non Christian girls.
However, God is good and in time I met my wife and we are now happily married with kids etc.
I know this probably doesn't help much but I think that if we didn't compromise so much and the correct teaching on the blessings of singleness was more readily given in our churches, then there would be less pressure on people to conform to a social norm rather than a biblical standard.
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Permalink Reply by emily changa on -
i think we should got for a few outreaches...ladies and recruit a few guys to come into the church because all the time i go to a church,its either the guys are married or about to or just not available,so ladies i think we should go out there and win souls (more men)...
Also i got a word in my heart a few months ago when i questioned God about my being single and how annoyed i was ...and this verse clearly came....'seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all other things will be added unto you'.....God wants to get intimate with us he wants us to develop a relationship with him first and learn to lean on him alone and in the process Ladies he is preparing us for ministry because i believe marriage is a ministry,we have to go through pruning and cleansing and we need to be ready.The other point is for both men and women,the time we are single is the time we outta get closer to God .....you know like consecration..and really work for him and remember all things work out for the best for they that love the Lord,things will fall into pleasant place.....I am not married i am very single and its hard so dont think m saying this because m probably married...m not....its just a word i got ...and a revelation
i want you to be blesed
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Permalink Reply by Marion Martin on -
This problem is made even worse when you live in a small community as we do. In our church there are I think only 2 people in their 20s because almost everyone goes to the big cities for uni or jobs and most of them never come back. The other churches in the town are similarly afflicted. Those who stay probably can't afford to move because of rent etc. so they don't have the option of going to look for a partner. Having said all that God is capable of providing them with partners in His own time & plan.
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Permalink Reply by Seth Jeffery on -
I'm a single Christian guy at 26 and have yet to see a queue of young Christian ladies forming at my feet! I'm not unhappy about it though, because I don't need lots of girlfriends just ONE wife and that time will come at the moment when God knows it's the best time for it. It's not always easy, no far from it, but in hindsight I've done pretty well up until now!
If you want to encourage guys to invite more of their friends to church then you should seek to raise strong male leaders who will train up other good Christian men in the faith and organise a culture that is inspiring to guys.
Either way one thing can be said: we know that God's got our finances, we know he's saved us, we know he is our healing, so we can be sure that he's also got our future in his hands in the case of marriage and relationships. So if we can trust him in all of these former areas why is that last one so hard to relinquish? No way, my future wife and family are too important to me to entrust into anyone else's hands but God's!
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Permalink Reply by Alex Peters on -
It's not a lack of Christian males. We're obviously just in the wrong place.
Where are you based? I'll get my coat...
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Permalink Reply by Levi Phillips on -
Hahaha! Love it. I'll join you...
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Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Karanja on -
Is being single the abscence of marriage partner? What would we say then of all the Divorcee's, widows, single parents in the church, are they not single?
I think the term single can be used to cover a wide spectrum of ladies (Divorcee's, Widows, Single Parents,actual singles (absence of marriage partner) for both male and female. As a church we need to form support groups to assist the needs of these special groups.
I'm single and not ever been married. I can relate to many of the comments on this page but i think the sadest part is that the church does not have support programmes for the "Singles" at whatever stage it is. In addition, many Christian behave like we lack a special blessing from the Lord and push us to meet single christian guys to see if we can hook up.
This has made me look at the Catholic Church and the support systems they have for the singles & married. They teach that in both Singleness or marriage, you can be used of God and be fulfilled and do not need to feel out of place.
We can pray, do dating online or otherwise, but if we are to truly address this issue, we must also consider that in singlesness or marriage God can use you in a mighty way. Think of Mother Teresa, the young lady who visited India and decided to give herself to charity. She was content to all her life.
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Permalink Reply by Seth Jeffery on
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Personally I think we focus too much on the feel-goodness of relationships and "It is not good for the Man to be alone" while forgetting some really obvious examples of great people in the Bible who loved and served God and felt totally fulfilled while not having any relationship ties. Paul the apostle even specifically writes to warn young ladies not to rush into marriage.
I think we should be careful not to play the little Matchmaker in trying to make sure everyone is in a couple, as often that can just make the situation worse, because we can make people feel like they are doing something wrong if they are still single. That's often how I have felt because well-wishers have seen a very nice lady and tried to set me up with her! So then when it doesn't work out it leaves me feeling like I'm flawed and unlovable, and therefore am missing out on the life God wants for me!! Worse yet would be if we did get together and then break up and have to deal with both our own broken hearts AND the social pressure of it all having had so much outside interaction of getting the relationship going in the first place!
Nope this is not the way to go, we should be letting God do his thing in his own perfect time as we seek him. Relationships are one of the most important and delicate things, and yet they're the one thing we always seem to rush into and glue together to try and make it work in our own desperated effort!!
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Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Karanja on
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I totally agree with ou Seth, and pole (swahili word for sorry) for what you had to go through
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Permalink Reply by Julian W on
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Seth, I agree God can do his own thing in his own time, and we need to trust Him, but I'm concerned that you seem to think that it's entirely up to God to bring a partner into one's life. Why? If a believer wants to get married, and assuming he/she has sought God about whether that's right for him/her at the moment, what reason can there be for NOT doing anything about it?
Don't get me wrong, I know God can (and sometimes does) bring people together without them doing much about it, with perfect timing. And I'm not suggesting for one moment that all the efforts people make to meet someone bring good results.
But does the Bible ever suggest anything like what you wrote, that "we should be letting God do his thing in his own perfect time as we seek him" with regard to marriage?
It's not that I think we shouldn't trust God. We absolutely must trust Him and put things in His hands, but that doesn't necessarily mean doing nothing. We entrust ourselves to God's care when we do a long car journey, but hopefully we also drive carefully!
I just think that handing over the whole responsibility to God may seem like a really wise and spiritual thing, but may actually be reason why some people don't meet anyone. In some cases maybe it's not that God isn't willing, but that the person in question doesn't actually do anything about it. I think I was a bit like that, and perhaps not surprisingly, I got married fairly late!
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