Why do men not come to Church ?

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Permalink Reply by David Bull on 22 November 2008 at 7:22pm

Why!

It's a culture thing.

1) The male role models in the entertainment world are "Self Sufficient" therefore they "Do Not Need a Saviour", that may be aright for a fantasy figure but real people are subtly encouraged to aspire to these macho standards.

2) Men meet in pubs and drink beer or they play with "Things" whether they be Motorcycles, Railways, Modal Aircraft etc.

We in the church need a saviour and either don't drink beer and play with things because it's idolatry or won't admit to drinking beer and playing with things because they could be accused of idolatry.

What do we do?

1) Pray, Pray for those outside the church and pray for ourselves that we may change the culture in which we do church with out compromising the gospel.

And pray for a leading/calling until we get one and then keep praying.

2) Change the culture in which we do church and do man things. Do we have to wait for a calling to do this. No but if we don't feel we have a specific calling we must move very carefully "Testing the waters" until we are sure of our calling. If we do things and they don't seem to work we need the leading of the Holy Spirit to instruct us whether to persevere or try something else.

David Bull.

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Permalink Reply by Graham Boler on 23 November 2008 at 9:29am

Our church has been trying to engage with this question for a few months. It was prompted by a Men's Breakfast discussion following a Church Times article which said much of church worship was female gender biased. While not necessarily agreeing with this, we felt that some men could not relate to worship, or to many church caring activities. Despite our "equal" society, daytime church activities are often female dominated and largely feminised. This then limits the church's ability to promote Jesus, which , after all, is the point!

Generally we agreed with David's assessment of the culture, but I think it is also part of the male psychology to want to "do" rather than "be". After prayer and discussion, we have decided the best approach is for the men of the church to do it!

If there are men in the church, who better to witness to other men. Of course, if all your church activities are alien to your friends, it is probably you who has to move first. As a worship group, we have formed a rock & roll band to play at dinner dances, and been involved in a town-wide music club called "noted", where Christian music is often mixed with whatever anyone else wants to play. We have certainly made more friends, and I hope we have reduced the "different" tag that often accompanies set-apart Christians, without having to compromise our faith in any way.

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Permalink Reply by Eric on 23 November 2008 at 1:13pm

We have had similar discussions in my current church. I am not sure we have the answer yet - we will see.

At the church I was at as a teenager, some of them men loved table tennis and so used some of the church halls as table tennis rooms. There was a senior table tennis evening and a junior table tennis evening. That adult team played other clubs across the county too. This was not obviously an outreach event but men getting together to do what they enjoyed.

It was simply a group of men who liked table tennis using church premises to enjoy playing table tennis. But the effect was interesting. A good third of the membership was not connected with churches in any way at all. But over the years I noticed that people, who became deacons, were once people who came as no church people to play table tennis, but over the years of socialising with likeminded Christians, who were not openly evangelising, them they were drawn in, made a commitment to God and became active members of the church, even leaders.

I am not sure the tennis club or the cricket club were as successful from that point of view, perhaps that’s because they did not meet on church premises. Yet I hear so often, we can’ hold such and such event on church premises because people won’t walk into a church. Odd really – my wife holds craft sessions, none Christians will turn up for those, we have a skippers and nippers sessions, it is bursting at the seams, and most of the mothers who come are not Christian, so where does this idea that holding events on church premises is a barrier come from. Does it mean we are ashamed of our church premises?

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Permalink Reply by Gav on 23 November 2008 at 4:11pm

hi there,

i recommend reading the book 'why men hate going to church' for starters.

i think sometimes too many worship songs that are quite sensual in lyrics ie i love you Lord, more intimate than lovers, jesus i am so in love with you etc can turn men off. however i think theres other things like holding hands with strangers, lack of quality in various areas ie sermon, music, visuals, food etc can also turn men off. men respect quality and often wont put up with something that is poor just because someone who is well intentioned is doing it.

men are task orientated also, they need to feel like they are contributing to something.
if we stand around singing all day they may feel like theres no point to it. give them a project like buildign something/painting something etc they can get stuck into it.

the book i mention earlier highights some interesting things also like words we use such as 'retreat'. it sounds like were scared and running away if we go on a retreat. we should say were going on a spiritual trainging/discipling course perhaps?

men like songs about crushing the enemy and winning battles etc. men also like having a laugh so jokes appeal to them also. men hate kids songs with actions and puppet shows also often.

God bless,
gav.

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Permalink Reply by Eric on 23 November 2008 at 4:25pm

I do agree with what you say especially the quality point. I strive for excellence at work, in fact well intentioned but not very good is, has not been acceptable in my working life. So yes I find that hard to accept in church. I also agree that men are task oriented, and most men seem to feel better when they are doing and involved. I will look the book you recommend out thanks.

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Permalink Reply by Daniel Read on 23 November 2008 at 4:42pm

Yes, difficult one, this. I agree with much that has been written already - all kinds of things about the church, from the songs we sing, to the decor, to the way we present the gospel can easily become "feminised" in such a way as to put men off. I'm intrigued by the thought that men like to "do" things, so that sitting around in church for an hour or more is the last thing they want to do. I wonder what a church "service" that encouraged "doing" and "contributing" would look like.

It's early days for this in our church. We have started up a few men's events and socials (e.g. 5-a-side football, which I've not been able to join in with since I hit my head :-( , but also 10-pin bowling, curry night, mexican night, cinema visit, that sort of thing.....). There are a few men who come to these things who rarely, if ever, set foot in church. I think we have to play the long-game on these things - I am not expecting all of them in church over the next year, but I hope and pray that we'll be able to keep this up and that the friendships will continue to grow.

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Permalink Reply by Eric on 24 November 2008 at 6:27pm

We did try a men’s book club - read a Christian book and discuss it over a pint. I am not sure it worked well, partly because we were irregular at organising the date, partly because some people want to chat and others wanted a serious debate on the book. Most of the men hadn’t read the book (me included I am afraid), also we had tea total people and people who liked a pint or three. We also had a few people who were in for a proper serious debate and others who saw any discussion over a point as hostile, angry, and an argument in the belligerent sense of the word.

Perhaps are problem was we called it a men’s evening and tried to make it appeal to all men in the church.

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Permalink Reply by Julia Chantrell on 24 November 2008 at 6:38pm

That last point is the real sticker, isn't it? 'Men's' evenings and 'women's' evenings. I've been invited to make-up and jewellry parties and, quite frankly, I'd sooner cut my throat... [tasteless joke, sorry... except I'm only partly joking]

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Permalink Reply by Daniel Read on 24 November 2008 at 7:23pm

No - you can't come bowling.

Sort of reminds me of a very famous scene from a certain film, involving a stoning....

"Are there any women here?"
"no, no ,no, NO, NO , NO"

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Permalink Reply by Eric on 24 November 2008 at 7:25pm

Typical the one decent men’s night and she want to gate crash.

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Permalink Reply by Julia Chantrell on 24 November 2008 at 7:35pm

Bowling with my shoulder? I know it's heaps better but I'm not risking it...
What film would that be?

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Permalink Reply by Daniel Read on 24 November 2008 at 8:41pm

What film would that be?

What?!? Surely, surely you must have seen Life of Brian at some point.

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